Birthday Musings

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It’s my birthday and the last full moon of 2019. I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I went outside to say hello to the moon and fill up with her energies. A bit of birthday recharging. For me, the past few years have been full of change, raw emotion, clearing, collapsing, picking myself up, and moving forward. But in a dragging myself through sludge kind of moving forward. When I came back inside, I sat down to journal all the things running across my brain. To my surprise, I feel different.

When you’re younger, people will ask you if you feel different on your birthday. “So, how does it feel to be 10? Double digits!” “How does it feel to be 20? A new decade!” Typically, the answer is that you don’t feel very different. Today I feel very different.
I’m excited about the next year! I haven’t been genuinely excited about what was in front of me for a long time. I am ready to move forward into whatever is waiting for me. I’m not one hundred percent sure of what that is going to be. And I’m okay with that. Bring on the change!

I’m also excited about the things that will be staying the same. It’s time to stop wondering when and where I can move and make what I have now a home. To change the place that had become a prison into a warm, inviting, loving, peaceful space for me and all those that I love. Now is the time to clear out those things that no longer serve me – physically and emotionally. I reject the labels, attributes, and desires that others have given me. I’ll create my own, thank you very much.

My next year will be intentional. I will spend time getting to know me. Deciding what I want to keep and what I want to leave behind. Where I want to put my energy and where I will find rest and peace. What are things that honestly give me joy, and how can I do more of that? What do I want to learn? How do I want to grow?
I’ve spent the past few years running to nowhere. Frenetically trying to change the things around me. There are great things on the horizon. I can feel it. It’s time to let them come to me instead weaving around them like a punch-drunk boxer. It’s time to stand still. Meditate. Think. Plan. Pray.

God loves me, I should, too. Happy Birthday to me!

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